It is interesting to note what fathers tell their teenagers about sex. Research on this topic shows that fathers across the wolrd will tell the same story. Information fathers give to their sons and daughters differ dramatically. Dad will tell his son to “Go for it!” He will advise his son to persue as many as possible girls and see how quickly and how far he can get with them sexually. Men measure their sexual success often by how many women they can conquer.  His daughter he will tell that men are unreliable, they are only after one thing and therefore she  should stay away from them as far as possible.

In other words: Dad gives his consent to his son to be sexually promisquius but his daughter is warned about sex.

In our society this belief is generally accepted. Girls are cheap, slutty or a whore. Men are never seen as bad if they have more than one sexual partner. This often makes them more manly in the eyes of their friends and peers.

Another interesting observation is the jokes people tell about sex. Fathers will often say that they do not talk to their children about sex as they can’t; they do not know how to or they feel unfomfortable. If you listen to them with a beer in the one hand around the braai fire you will not notice a hint of discomfort. This is usually the same father who warns his daughter to stay away from men, they are only after “one thing”. This is the same father that talks about only”one thing”.

Sexual behaviour is value driven. It is important for fathers to think about their own values about sex and sexuality. They have to concientiously teach their children these values. It has no meaning if the father tells his daughter to stay away from men but laugh loudly for jokes about sex that does not support this value. Children do what the parents do and not what the parents tell them to do. Fathers therefore have to know what their sexual values are and need to behave in a manner where they transfer these values to all their children.

Sexual behaviour also involves emotions. Sexual activity is not a physical activity separate from all emotion. If you think about it, many emotions are involved in the sexual act. There are emotions and emotional reactions involved before the sexual act and many emotions and reactions after the sexual act. Meaningfull sexual relationships is not something that you quickly fit in somewhere between, work, supper or gym. Meaningfull sexual relationships take time and emotional involvement. When a father talks to his daughter about sex, he wil often talk to her about the emotional aspects as well. When he talks to his son about sex he will only discuss the sexual act and will not discuss the emotions, responsibilites and consequences that come with being sexually involved with a girl.

By Filistea Barnard 

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